Saturday, June 20, 2015

I don' know why I feel like writing but I do. I feel slightly emotional today but about nothing really in particular. My house is a mess and never seems to leave that state. I haven't ate the best the past 2 days, lots of meat, cheese, and carbs, and I am just really tired. Thought I was supposed to get my energy back? I'm in my second trimester! I'm sure all of these things make for a tired more emotional me.

Got back on FB. I hate to admit I missed it. Well not really, but at the same time yes. I've decided that I am going to make the effort to actually see and know the people on my "friends list". The way I see it, if I don't really know them and they don't really know me and we are not comfortable asking to visit one another without an occasion... then why are we friends? I have trouble deleting some people though, friends or not. I want to see what is going on in their lives, many of them live in exciting places or are going through transitions into marriage, parenthood, work life, etc... and curiosity wants to see where life takes them, though I know I am only seeing the highlight reel. I've made lots of plans for the next two weeks, cook-outs, swimming, and playdates. I need more adult time and instead of whining about it I decided why not get off my lazy ass and connect. Sure it sucks to be the one that has to initiate, but I think that in time with my amazingly charming personality, people will start wanting to spend time and make plans with me... ;) Yes, I know, so humble right?

I have to feel good about something in my life. I'll never be a beauty queen but I can do my best to develop a beautiful and contagious personality that people enjoy.

Let's see what else is on my mind. How about I'm not really digging chickens anymore. With out main flock battling sickness and mites and our meat chickens being... well quick growing and sort of lazy, I'm just not feeling the chicken love that I used to. I liked it better having a pretty coop and a small flock I loved as pets versus more of a farming attitude. It's weird how conflicting that feeling is. One minute I love having a nice sized property and the "potential" it offers and on the other hand I crave something a little more intimate and manageable. Like a nice big back yard that offers the space for a garden, chickens, and playing, but that was not so far out of town that I have to travel to everyone and everything. Hard to convince people to come out to the boonies. I also want a little less work. With a fourth child on the way extra yard work, lots of animals, and farm work seems daunting when coupled with my jewelry business and household work (that as I mentioned above never seems to end or even subside some). I sort of look forward to moving to Tennessee. Now that we have a better idea of what works for our family we can make a wise decision on a home. Hopefully a less expensive home... I'd love to see us meet our goal of becoming debt free. We'd be made if we could do that.

Finances are so stressful, so many damn bills and every time we start making a small dent, another bill comes up. Ash breaking his leg, me becoming pregnant, $655 ultrasounds...-_- Glad I at least fought and got them to remove the $397 charge for the STD tests I refused... It seems so overwhelming. I wish we could just sell half our stuff, but it's hard to part with most of it. It always seems like when we sell stuff a year or two later we always have to buy it again because circumstances change... like our queen bed, sure we don't need it now, but we will need it soon enough, or the extra sectional down stairs... IDK, I can't wait for this baby to be born so we can finally purge the dozens of baby boxes down stairs. I will keep a few sentimental things, but other than that I can not wait to be rid of all the baby items. Everything is already so full, closets, shelves, boxes... it's all just too much some days... If anything my goal this week should be a toy and clothes purge for the kids... maybe that would make me feel a little better.

I don't know why I bother trying to clean up our house. Had a friend help me clean ALL day yesterday. Finally got bathrooms all clean and floors fully swept and mopped and kitchen cleaned... I think it stayed that way about 3 hours... oy.

Today I woke up with a headache and exhausted. Food feels/looks/smells disgusting... and I have zero energy. I have felt like I am in a fog the entire day. Not sure if it is just pregnancy or maybe a combination of the fact that it has rained for over a week straight and not expected to stop for another 8 days or so with the exception of a few hours here and there... all we need, more flooding.

Everyone has the stomach flu and I pray when we go to Galion on Monday for a couple days we don't pick it up. Last thing I want is for me or my kids to be violently ill when I am already over nauseous and tired. Today was just one of those blah days, but I wanted to remember to finish this post. Not like anyone reads my blog but it is here for me I guess as an outlet.


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