Thoughts…

I ’m horrible at responding.

I am that friend that doesn’t check for new messages or starts a conversation, gets distracted and forgets to come back…

I also get SO lonely because I isolate myself. A LOT. I used to believe that I was an extrovert because I was really good at being in social situations and talking in crowds or public speaking. But what I found is, I’m really good at those things when I HAVE to do them. 

However, I find the art of maintaining relationships to be very difficult unless the other person is initiating or constantly within my space . I realize the only kind of friends that I typically can have are needy ones. People who need to call me or specifically ask things of me. I’ve tried to push myself to be the person to make contact, but I’m horrible at follow through. I realized over the past few years how much I’ve given in friendships and how much some friendships have broken my heart. Sometimes friends don’t feel worth it, so it’s not something I pursue. I drown myself in work instead. Maintaining a large household solo has been a lot of work. 

Thanks for listening. I know that you guys are my friends and people who care for me…. But also, I know that you guys know what I mean because how much do you know about me really?  they say the path the healing is sharing your story, i’ve only ever found vulnerability leaves you open to judgment. So here it is. 

Also, if I could add a tiny rand on how much I hate that everything I read is written by AI . 

There’s no variation, no soul, I can see that it’s ChatGPT. Ugh.